You are so excited but so nervous to drop your child off the first day of school. You have been preparing both you and your child for this for a week now and you are hoping they will be okay with it. For some, being separated from Mommy is not an issue and they go off on their own without a glance back, while others cling for dear life with a death grip not wanting you to leave. You become torn between wanting them to want you to stay for at least a hug and a kiss goodbye .......and cringing as they are starting to make a scene as you are trying to leave and your heart is being ripped to shreds. One of my children had separation anxiety and I can remember the feeling as the teacher was peeling him off of me screaming....finger by little finger. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong. He was not usually like this......I had prepared him by telling him about school, that I would not be staying, that I loved him and would be back.....what did I miss, why did it go so terribly wrong? It broke my heart and I could not concentrate on anything until school was over, which when I picked him up he ran smiling and laughing into my arms. What a relief, my stomach has been in knots all morning! I just wanted to hug and hug and hug him, but he acted like nothing had happened. Really? Really? I wish I could say the next time was no problem but it got harder before it got easier.
When faced with something new, a child cannot figure out what to be afraid of, it is the fear of the unknown and separation anxiety is a part of normal development. Some children need time to figure it out and they act off of your cues. If they feel you tense up, they know something is not right. If they see you don't want to leave them, they don't want to leave you. The best thing to do is prepare them at home but keep it light, don't build it up too much. When you bring them to school be positive, validate their feelings and reassure them how much you love them, that it is a safe place, and smile. If it is their first time at school, look around a little, talk to the teacher together briefly. Give them a kiss and hug, remind them again you will be back soon and then leave, even if they are kicking and screaming. Is this going against every instinct you have as a mother lion protecting her baby cub?......Absolutely. The longer you stay, the longer your child's anxiety about you leaving grows. They keep looking back to see if you are still there. They cannot begin their day with the others, which if another child is feeling anxious, seeing you staying with your child is making it worse on them ....which once you do leave sets off a chain of anxious children screaming. Develop a routine for drop offs as you do with other activities like meal time and bed time. Don't waiver or give in because then they know they've got you and you become putty in their hands. We know we've all done that and lived to regret it. Children really do like structure and feel safe with consistency.
And just because your child was the poster child for drop off on the first day does not mean you are totally off the hook. For some children, their separation anxiety does not set in until 2-3 weeks later when they realize the honeymoon is over.
Just keep strong Mom and I promise..... you will miss the day they didn't want you to leave!
When faced with something new, a child cannot figure out what to be afraid of, it is the fear of the unknown and separation anxiety is a part of normal development. Some children need time to figure it out and they act off of your cues. If they feel you tense up, they know something is not right. If they see you don't want to leave them, they don't want to leave you. The best thing to do is prepare them at home but keep it light, don't build it up too much. When you bring them to school be positive, validate their feelings and reassure them how much you love them, that it is a safe place, and smile. If it is their first time at school, look around a little, talk to the teacher together briefly. Give them a kiss and hug, remind them again you will be back soon and then leave, even if they are kicking and screaming. Is this going against every instinct you have as a mother lion protecting her baby cub?......Absolutely. The longer you stay, the longer your child's anxiety about you leaving grows. They keep looking back to see if you are still there. They cannot begin their day with the others, which if another child is feeling anxious, seeing you staying with your child is making it worse on them ....which once you do leave sets off a chain of anxious children screaming. Develop a routine for drop offs as you do with other activities like meal time and bed time. Don't waiver or give in because then they know they've got you and you become putty in their hands. We know we've all done that and lived to regret it. Children really do like structure and feel safe with consistency.
And just because your child was the poster child for drop off on the first day does not mean you are totally off the hook. For some children, their separation anxiety does not set in until 2-3 weeks later when they realize the honeymoon is over.
Just keep strong Mom and I promise..... you will miss the day they didn't want you to leave!